Sunday, November 24, 2013

Steps are progressing. Now just wait.

I didn't get to write this blog post yesterday.  Seems like it's been a bit of a normal zoo around here.  lol!

Larry was able to take off work on Friday so we (along with Haylee) headed to Little Rock to meet with my new Bariatric/Gastric doctor.  

The Dr was fabulous and has a great staff also.  So nice and fun.  Not stuffy as some seem to be.
Anyway, met with Dr.  We discussed all the options available and which would work best personally for me. 

I, along with him quickly rule out the Lap band.  Not enough.  We both consider the Laproscopic Gastric Sleeve.  This has become a good standard which is proving much more succesful than the lap band.

With all my blood glucose numbers being a severe issue in this decision,  we agreed that the Laproscopic Gastric Bypass would be the perfect and necessary option for my best results.  

The techincal name is: Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.  This procedure is a bit more intense but not the full big bypasses in the past since it's done laproscopic.  

I agreed to the bit larger decision since this one has proven to be the ultimate cure for diabeties.  
So yay, decision made.  Now to work on the setup of when.  

Ugg!  So excited, but yet, it is going to take time as it is more safely and effectively done with 2 surgeons. 

So the scheduling of that is a bit more tricky.  If there is any way to get them together before the 1st of the year, then they will try, but with all the holidays coming up it will be pretty tricky.

So I am looking at right after the first of the year.  Yay!  What a way to kick off that New Year resolution. Was hoping for right away, but this is soo worth the wait.

The dr and nurses said for me to just enjoy eating over the holidays then hit this running.
But with my sugar levels and insulin, meds, etc, I can't enjoy that much with the foods and stay reasonable since I am being so strict, but a little endulgence here and there with a bite or two.  

Then I am sooo ready to hit this and of course it would be fabulous when I get some of the weight off, but I am soooo ready to get back to no or little meds, NO shots, and moving and feeling so much better.  

Can't think of a better Thanksgiving/Christmas/ New Years present for the new year.  :)

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Working on steps toward success

11/23 Thursday:

I am gradually working through the steps toward the surgery option I have decided for fighting this war against weight.

Just like any addict, I am going to try to work through it pretty much the same way.

I have checked with my Dr and got the ok to persue this option.

Last week we went to Little Rock to attend a group meeting to see what all is involved in the Gastric surgery procedures that are available and to turn in my paperwork

I have checked with our insurance companies on what the coverages are.

Now to wait.  This is a waiting type elective surgery.  Perhaps to make sure it's not a rush one as it's a permenant one.  Which is fine with me.  I am just more determined than ever with each passing day.

I have spoken with several people about it and all with glowing recommendations.  As a matter of fact, I went to dentist yesterday for checkup and cleaning and the girl that did the cleaning had done the 
laproscopic bypass procedure about 4 yrs ago and was willing to tell me all about the good- bad and ugly sides of it.

I was so impressed with it, I couldn't help but count how long it would be before I might hear from the Little Rock people on setting up the next step.

Well, to my very exciting surprise, I heard from the Little Rock Dr office this morning, and what to do next and a nurse would call this afternoon and would let me know when and where with the next step as I am a very great candidate for the laproscopic gastric sleeve or bypass.  

I had already told the nurse that called this morning that I was sooo ready for this and that if necessary I was ready to start my 2 weeks of pre-surgery liquid diet tomorrow if necessary.  

So, when the 2nd nurse called this afternoon, I was again jumping for joy to know that there is an opening tomorrow for me to actually meet with my Dr and discuss which surgery and when to begin the 2 weeks pre-surgery steps.  

YAY!  On my way Miss Monster.  

I do in fact realize this is only a tool to help me succeed with this war.  And I sooo need that.  Like fighting with a stick vs a machine gun.  Yeah Buddy!!!

With all of this falling into place, I know more than ever this is the direction I am to take.  

I WILL make this work!  

Miss Monster of Weight - you are on notice!!!

Hide if you may . . . 

my ducks are lining up and coming for you!!!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Now what????? How do I fight this monster???

As I wrote in the last blog post, I am to almost a despirate point that I have got to make some very serious life changing decisions as to where I go from here.

This is my monster I have pictured as being my weight monster!

I have a war to win against this guy!

I know my situation with being somewhat confined to home,  and somewhat limited to outings of many types,  (which even grocery shopping is almost a freedom break if there is such a thing while grocery shopping - lol) and nothing in the near future is going to change.

So I have got to figure out how to do that on a limited playing field.

Mind set!  

I have to get my mind set to do something about this weight no matter what it takes - good, bad or ugly!!!

I came home, still in disbelief of how far I had let this truly go with this monster of weight thing.  

With insulin shot in hand and sat there that night in the dark, all alone, just staring at the insulin vile, telling it (out loud I think)
that it would not be around very long!  I WOULD win some how some way.  I am NOT going to be a part of the world out there that has to take this the rest of my life.  I would do something drastic if necessary!

Then it hit me - BOOM!  I need this NOW.  My situation isn't changing, but I have to and I thought of a very sweet sister in law that has been battling this moster also.

She recently had gastric sleeve surgery to get this under control and in a permenant way.

Oh no I can't do that!  

I have always thought I couldn't and wouldn't make such a drastic venture as this!  

But as I set in the dark and poked my stomach for the first time and pushed the button to release the insulin - Oh your darn right I can!!!

I want something as drastic as this surgery to give me a tool that I can work with in a whole new light!  I want something I cannot reverse or just decide to toss to the side like many diet plans.

This is it!  

The answer to kick my butt into major gear and to get my handle on my monster.

The next day - I contacted my sister in law and wanted to know all the details.  I was very impressed.  She gave me the info and as soon as I mentioned it to hubby, he instantly said - we will figure out a way to get this done if this is what you want.  Yes I do.  So he jumped on it with insurance, etc and got even more details for me.

Within a couple of days I had signed up for the next available orientation of what is all involved with the procedures.  

Just a couple of weeks later, I head to Little Rock for the first conference.

Yay!  I have my mind made up - remember that monster?  I have wiped her nose off and heading to seeing appointments to get the ball rolling to clean up her/my act!

Just like any addict that has ever been known, I have my hiding places for this and that and the other of bites of candy, etc, that I keep hidden for those weak moments.  I have always been a sweet eater for as long as I can remember.

I have learned to pretty much give all them up but still have those lil secret stash places.  They are about empty.  I will finish tossing those soon.  Dollars spent or not - they are drugs of a type.  A drug that I am having a life threatening reacting to!!

I am NOT going to feed this monster any longer!!!

I kwon the war of the smoking monster (which was NOT easy) in 2005 which I guess got this started, or just an excuse to get this started perhaps.

NO more excuses!!!

I have printed a pic of my monster to hang on my fridge.  I want to never forget this creature who I have allowed to silently steal MY life.  

Fighting a loosing war. Now what?

It's been quite a while since I wrote anything relating to my journey of weight vs. health issues.  

And not in a good way.  

Muttling along as usual, as I guess most people do. Just doing enough with the eathing good/bad, but NOT going in the right direction, but not really gaining either.

I haven't really lost any in the past year.  Pretty much holding my own with the battle of the scales, but then again, it the the war of the weight issues, my health has been affected over time of being very overweight, I presume.

About a year ago, my blood work numbers were messed up but mainly due to the sugar related stuff.  I jumped back on track and worked really hard on the no carb thing and seriously dropped the sugar replacement stuff that I was consuming as it was a LOT!

I dropped a little bit of weight and blood work numbers looked better.  So, maintain really good for a while, but those pesky monster blood work numbers gradually rising back up.  My weight stayed about the same.

A couple of months ago, I started feeling extra everything. Extremely more tired, more miserable than ever, headaches regularly, lower back and upper back and everything in between becoming more uncomfortable, hip acting up from a fall several years ago, resulting in dislocating, along with just plain ole miserable.

I kept checking my glucose, and it would NOT budge. I was seriously being super great with the carbs, but the glucose would not move downward at all.  After a few days, started freaking me out just a bit.  I think I could feel ever number that kept showing up on my meter when testing.

It was as I was taking no meds at all and eating whatever, but I was being super good by this point.

Finally miserable enough and numbers not moving on glucose meter, I went to my Dr, which is so understanding but yet has known me for so long, can read me inside and out - (lol - litterily I guess.)

Instantly ordered full fasting everything blood work and since I already knew my blood sugar levels were through the roof with no amounts of cutbacks helping, I knew what I was in for, but still hated to hear that one word, which to me means - failure in my ability to control this diabetic/weight/blood pressure issue.

When the blood work came back - UGG!

Talk about hit like a brick wall.  

Even though I knew what it would be, to be told that Insulin was a MUST now along with being close to stroke levels on some of my blood work numbers was so very hard but at the same time a relief that I guess I sort of needed to know that I could get this a little under control - maybe.  

So with close monitoring, I began and slowly increased the insulin shots (only one a day and now 30 units per shot), got a grip on the numbers for my blood sugar.  

Feeling better?  Yes and no.  Several factors I know have to be much better.  But with the dosages I have to take of my meds - Ugg.  I think perhaps my body is not liking them any more and definitely NOT liking me.

I am to the point - I will do ANYTHING it takes to get this done!!  Drastic as may need to be - good- bad - or ugly I want this under control!!!

Sure I, myself along with everyone else out there that is human, wants to be thin or even somewhat thin and wear normal size clothing.  

But this is much more than that!  I want to feel better!!  I want to once again not be embarrassed when out in public and always wonder how big I look! 

I have usually looked at this for my loved ones which I would give the world for, but not for myself.  Well, now finally this is for ME. 

I have in recent months years, even started slacking on all of those measures to take care of my very special little family, whom I would give th world for, but since I have such a yuck feeling just about every minute of every day.

As for my special lil family, I am so very blessed to be married to one of the most supportive, special man I have ever met, whom would give me the world to be happy, who is also my very best friend, my confidaunt, and companion. 

I was so very blessed to have the opportunity to have given birth to a very special, beautiful, successful daughter who is now on her own.

My husband and I are raising a very special precious granddaughter whom is 7 and SUPER full of life and we are homeschooling her full time.  (who I swear is an exact clone of hubby, in a cute lil girl body).

Also, I am fortunate to have my 83 yr old mother that is living with us, who has advancing dementia and has to have someone close about all the time now.  

I guess some would call pretty demanding in many ways.  It was a huge change for all of us as these things were added and progressed to their current statuses.  

Which I guess contributed to a lot of stress and which I am a stress eater, a happy eater, an entertainment eater, a sad eater, rain or shine eater.  Mainly sweets, carbs etc.  Which I have learned to do without or strongly limit, but in all of this situation, I have always had issues with weight off and on just like many others do.  I have never been this overweight and have even lost all the excess weight a couple of times but with each time - end up larger than previously.

I am very limited to time to work set aside just for exercising for myself.  Which I will quickly admit I hate anyway, so doesn't take much to draw my attention to something else to have to tend to first.  

I am trying really hard to change some focus and try to re-arrange a few priorities to fight this monster! 

So just like many Oprah and Dr. Phil shows I have watched and totally agree with, I have to love and care for ME before I can take better care of my adorable supportive husband, daughter, granddaughter, my mom, etc.  
Not this I will do get to that later syndrome I feel like I have created.  

So for my many mental challenges ahead - I want to note to myself all the reasons that I need to get a grip on the weight thing.  

He (I am going to say she/it needs a name.  Not a nasty name, just a name that will be unusual for the pic of the Zicam monster image to use for now of my monster.

I will work on that name for later reference and to have in mind when I think of food/weight/life.

I want to work on cleaning it/her up, and hopefully feeling a LOT better than I currently feel which is about as nasty and miserable as this creature but to be ME once again.

But how - where to start that I haven't already fought and lost the small battles with?

When I quit smoking in 2005, I had already put some weight back on and told myself not to substitute food, but guess what - that didn't last.

I think I will start with a challenge list of what's and why's I so strongly and despirately need to win.

Here are some of the things I am working on for the fight with my monster are:

  • #1 Total overall health
  • No more pricks to check blood sugar
  • No more blood pressure meds
  • No more depression meds
  • Quality of life to improve
  • Easier/better movement
  • Not being miserable from being sweating hot all the time, (even in winter)
  • Not cronic feeling of being so tired and run down
  • Not missing out on going on outings because of being so large or hot all the time.
  • Not wearing mens 3x shirts almost all the time
  • Feet - Back - Knees - Hip - Head not hurting nearly all the time!
  • Happier with myself at being successful at something again.
  • I am missing out of feeling good enough to get out and enjoy the little things in life.  (even though limited to staying home a lot - still pass up so much)
  • Even so many small things way too numerous to write are so very important!!!
  • MY LIFE!  

My battle after battle after battle with this diabetis, blood pressure, and so much more is like fighting constant ugly moster battles and loosing the over all war of staying healthy.  

That is about to STOP!!  

I want my control back!!!

Some how, some way, no matter what the 
necessary measure is - I want to win this dam war!  

Now what?????