To my monster

Well, well Mr Monster.

It's been a while since I stopped by here to have a bit of a chat with you.  

I know it' been an up and down road the past (almost) 6 wks but I feel like 

you are grip is just a little more lose on me.  

I know at times I  have to still buckle under the pressure of this new little tool in my 
arsenal especially when you throw a curve ball of being sick.  

You will do just about anything won't you.  Even cheat like that.

Well, I went to see my newest allies yesterday, and we re-evaluated our progress 
so far and have even a tougher plan in the works for this war with you.

Yes, I know you have had such a tough hold on me for so many years, but enough.  
Enough with the foods that I am not suppose to have and would buckle under the 
bullying peer pressure from tv, society, nerves, boredom, etc.

It's MY time.  I am taking it back!  Taking my life back under my control!

It's only a small matter of time, a it's a slow, daily stragegic process 
and with all healed and tolerances built back up . . . . 

You are NOW on notice!!!  I'm coming for you!!

My rant on weight loss surgery being cheating

I have hooked up with a couple of Facebookpages and are gaining some great friends that have had weight loss surgeries of all different types.  

I am so saddened and disgusted when I see many posts on these pages that people always accuse them of cheating by having this surgery.   

I think it's pretty dam sad that one has to make fun of another for succeeding in whatever way possible to lose this weight and win the battles against food and ALL of the health disease issues that come along with it just to justify themselves for not doing something about it.  

In doing this, have we really outgrown the school days of bullying one because they have something different than us? We fuss about so much bullying going on in our schools with our youth's today.  What about ourselves????????

Since, following through with my extremely thoroughly investigated decision to try to get a grip on my own health, by having the gastric bypass surgery instead of loosing battle I was not winning with the diabetes and facing insulin dependency, along with all of the sad and terrible ongoing things that are associated with this terrible diabetic society.

I am not usually one that uses non-nice language on here, in this case, I really need to!

So to whomever says it's the easy way out - Bullshit!  and try it if you think it's easy.  

Would you consider, having to be careful with absolutely every single choice of bite you take, size and what it is along with every single sip you take in?

If each and every bite and sip are not just right, I am in pain and totally miserable for a bit that makes that tiny sip or tiny bite soooo NOT worth it!

My stomach pouch is now my extremely strict Sergeant with arms that will put me on my knees if it doesn't approve.

Counting each toward each and every protein you are suppose to carefully get along with each and every vitamin I will be continually be changing according to what I am low on, for the rest of my life also.

I cannot have a choice to cheat for that meal, that bite or that drink!!!!!

This surgery is a TOOL!  A tool that can be used or abused.  I have one shot at using this tool to my health benefit my personal life quality and expectency.

Many are younger, more active, ability, etc, and so with that, you have a tool of advantage.  So we are not so unequal after all.

I don't challenge anyone to just lose the weight.  I challenge each and everyone to GET HEALTHY!  

Yes I am succeeding, but it's a lifelong decision that can't be undone like dropping of a diet for a meal, or a day or an impulse or splurge.

It's something that affects my family as much as myself.
Which I have the most fab family and friends that is all for this, seeing what the alternative of not doing anything is doing to me/us.  

Many people who have made this decision of surgery, have even lost many life long and close friends, and family members due to their choice.

It would break my heart for that to happen as we never have enough people in our lives anyway.  But so be it if that be necessary.

My life - my health, and my immediate family are the people I am answering to.  And my God.  That's it.  

Thursday, January 11th, - 4 days left

Counting down the days.

Come on Monster - 

I'm about to have reinforcements 

to help me kick your butt!!!!

As of today, only 4 more days, till my life - our lives forever!  
My surgery is scheduled to take place at 11 am Monday morning in Little Rockat Baptist Medical Center.

My life will sort of start all over again with a whole new angle and lifestyle.  I am so very ready.  I have been pumping myself up a lot for this!

I am soooo ready to toss those insulin shots into a tree as hard as I can and then stomp them also.  

Will also be so very nice to be taking Vitamins (even if it might be several) that will help my body not polute it with medicine that helps one thing, but hurts others.

Today marks day 11 of the 14 days of Liquid diet that was given to me by Dr. Off and on times it's not fun at all and really tough, but it's so normal now, I think I have it made the rest of the time.

And on a very inspiring note, I started on it weighing 217.8
As of this morning - I weigh 209.2!  Yes my dear - single twenties. Woo Hoo to that.  

I have also been working on trying to get everything in order.  Larry will be with me of course.  He's not allowed to leave. lol!  Perhaps to go to cafeteria to eat once in a while.  haha!

Ashley is taking the week off from work and staying here with Haylee, and our aide for mom will be here during the days.
So think the people are handled.  :P

I have saved leftovers here and there so that Larry doesn't really have to cook all that much although he is actually a good cook.

I finished up shopping (I think) with regular price matching stuff, and stocking for them also.

I have all my liquid vitamins and other vitamins, shake mixes, etc all purchased and ready to go also.

There is so much to it over all, but with anything, it will be overwhelming at first, but later be fine.

I even got me a new simple gown to wear hopefully the second day out so it will be sort of normal feeling.

Hair trimmed up, and as my sweetie suggested to make me feel better about this - got new mani w nails and pedi also.  Love that!
and Love that man of mine.

I know I am going to soon start the nervous part of all of this - but for now - I am just counting the days and trying to think ahead of anything to make things easier for all the people involved in this.

I plan on just trying to nap.  lol!  I know they are going to have to see me walk and I am going to do my darnest to do so.  But nap in between times.  :p

I am scheduled on Monday and should be home on Wednesday - some time during the day.  

And of all things, the weather is calling for snow or at least wintery stuff off and on starting Sunday night till Tues night.  Ugg.

Would be sort of cool to see some flurries while there, but not knowing it's on the roads.  Oh well, just hope Doc is spending the night as he and his associates have 4 of us to work on.  lol!

I met a couple of great girls at our Dietian meeting.  Some of us had a chance to exchange phone numbers to text.  What a hoot.

I guess tata for now.  Signing off until next time.

February 1st (surgery month) is finally here.

Seems like I have been waiting forever for this new month to arrive.  I first began this process just before Thanksgiving and had to put it off for a bit to get all the ducks in a row.

And so finally. . .  OMG it is here.  I am 36 hrs from surgery.

I have officially lost 10 lbs so far on the 2 weeks I have been on the required liquid type diet.  Have done extremely better than I thought it would be.

Now we have one other issue to work through.
The weather.
The forcast is calling for a bit of a mess on the day we have to travel to Little Rock for checkin and surgery, and again on the day we are to be released and travel back home.

Interesting!

Hopefully it won't be as bad as they are suggesting to be. Number one in this step is to get Ashley here.  She is coming tomorrow to go over stuff easier before we leave Monday morning. 
But the weather is going to be an issue for that too.  She has decided to come much earlier in the day so she can avoid some of it.
We do have a 4-wheel drive truck that can possibly do better to get us to Little Rock.  But may be a problem for me to get into once I am ready leave the hospital.  

So keeping fingers crossed and eyes on the weather - greatly anticipating the hours clicking by to head to start my new beginning.

One more week to go!

Oh yay, eek!

One week from right now I will be checking in to the hospital to begin the process to transform
my life from here on. So excited and anxious.  Not nervous yet.  Probably once I get in there I will be
but I am so very determined.

I had an almost mishap yesterday with food.  And such an odd one.  You know how you go to get something and grab this or that and not really thinking, well, while making mac & cheese for my
family for dinner, I was slicing some Velvetta to put into a bowl to soften for it.
Before I knew it, it was almost in my mouth.  YIKES!!  I quickly put it down then nearly
cried because of wanting some so very bad.  Such an odd thing.  Ever since my daughter,
Ashley was little, when we would slice it to use, I would always holler for her and we would
have a slice (or two lol).  But  . . . I will have it again.  Just a taste here and there, but a taste
is all that it actually lasts anyway.

You know the old saying that's been around forever - a moment on the lips - forever on the hips!

I am thinking, touch your tongue with a lick of something, and enjoy, but only swallow what's
healthy.  lol!  Some things you can do that with and some have to be devowered.  lol!

Day 6 - moving right along with this pre-op step

Today is day 6 of my 2 wk. pre-op liquid step part of the program.
So hard to believe I have actually made it for this many days in a row without even a nibble.

Tomorrow actually makes it the 1/2 way mark on this first step of the program.  So excited.
Tuesday I will be meeting with the nutritionist with loads of questions and have my hospital
blood work done, then just a matter of waiting till the next Monday for surgery.

I had a pretty miserable day yesterday for most of the day.  My stomach was not wanting to 
cooperate.  I remembered later on, that just about every senerio, websites and facebook pages
on this subjects, says drink more.  

So I downed a couple of glasses of peach tea and water sips in the next hour or so, and it
actually did help.  Perhaps a mind thing too, but I felt better by about 4 or so.

I weighed this morning when I got up and so far in 5 days I have lost 7.5 lbs.  Woo Hoo!
That puts me at 210.4  
Nothing like loosing a bit to make it more motivational.  :)

I have been trying a few new mixtures of this and that so maybe I won't get too bored
with and to find out what I might be open to since cutting out all the other stuff available.

I have actually gotten to the point I like V8 veggie juice.  Not much at a time, but 
beginning to be pretty tasty.  I usually have about 4 oz just before I have my protein
shake so that I feel like that's dinner and the protein shake is dessert.  lol!  I know
it sounds silly.  It's my mind game.  

Today I was reading again for the upteenth time on my list of things I can have,
and it states that I can have oatmeal, grits, and cream of wheat.
Never really cared for oatmeal texture, but after jellos and shakes, might
be worth a try.
I blended the oatmeal so it would be more ground up, then added some splenda and 
cinnamon and fat free milk.  Oh Yumm!!!  Nice and warm something for the tummy.
It was a very happy tummy!

I also added a bit of the chocolate flavored protein shake to it which was even better!!

After that, I made up some banana cream pudding (sf) and thought  it would be an
interesting idea to try puree'ing a banana and adding to it.

Note to self:  pudding doesn't work as well with puree'd stuff added at the beginning.
And although pretty tasty even though runny, tummy didin't like it!!

As we wrap up day 6, my tummy is about to settle from the banana pudding fiasco,
and I still have a protein shake to go before bed.  Then on to day 7.  

Day 2 of pre-op all liquids

Woo Hoo!  I survived the first day.  Hopefully that will be the toughest!
Now on to tackle this that is Day 2.

6 am:
Woke up with just a bit of a headache, which isn't abnormal for me, but not from
lack of foods.  I was very hungry though.

Just for fun, I thought I would weigh to see if anything had happened.  I was 217.8 yesterday
at my official start weight for liquids.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I lost 3 lbs!  214.8 exactly!

Yes yes, I know it's liquids from getting so serious on this thing.  But it's a dang minus.
I am so ready to see LOTS of those.  Nice way to start day 2.

Had my shake while visitng with my honey before heads to work for the day.

7:30 am.
So very tired from not sleeping very much last night, so rested a bit this morning, while
Haylee watched tv and worked on her morning list of "to-do's" before we start our
homeschooling day.

10 am:
Tried to wait a bit before my 2nd shake.  Don't want to get to many in from all the calories.
So mixed one to have now and had it in the freezer a few minutes to really slush it.
Yumm!  Great idea!

Also have tried my best to get use to V8 vegetable blend juice.  NOT my fav, but not
too bad either.  I had a couple of sips here and there.  I think it can grow on me.

Oops, forgot that anti-diahrrea pill this morning.  Better grab it NOW!

Thank goodness that settled down soon.  Haven't had too much trouble with that so far.
But it's only middle of day 2.

Haylee and I had a pretty successful day of working on homeschool.  Yay!
In between times when she was working on something I would go and pick up, fold clothes
etc.  I am thinking I feel pretty good today.

I kept at the liquids - sips of V8 tomato juice, peach tea water, and my protein shakes

By mid afternoon, I actually do feel pretty good.  Maybe this isn't so bad.
So pleaded with my head - to PLEASE behave itself so that it didn't hurt like yesterday.

Keep thinking - drink, drink - drink.

Is it drink that Alice did to shrink?  Ironic.  "Drink to Shrink"  And very true.
I think I found myself a new motto!  also drink to drown my monster.  lol!

Well, here it is, 6 pm and while Haylee and hubby are at Taekwondo class, I still have
no headache to speak of and feel pretty good.  Winding down a bit but pretty good.
I have actually gotten a few extra things accomplished today.  Yay!

I am going to try cream of chicken soup for dinner.  Don't know about how good or not
good it might be, but what the heck.

I am thinking I had 3 shakes today.  Don't know if I can skip the one before bed or not.
Do know I made some chocolate sf pudding and it's chillin' in the fridge right now.
I nearly stuck my face into the bowl and sucked it without firming when I was whipping it up.

Just read on Facebook about a girl making this type of pudding so think I am going to have
to try that laterl

Copied from a post::
"Just made the family and I sugar free protein pudding! 67.5 cal, .68g fat, 1.5g sugar and 4.75g protein per 1/2 cup! Just mix 1 premier protein shake and skim milk with box of sugar free pudding mix and viola!!"

1/20/14 1st day to beginning my journey - today!

Hey hey hey - the day is finally here to get started.  May not be fun at times, but it's going to be successful
one way or another.

Today I start my pre-op 2 week all liquids program.  Surgery is exactly 2 wks from today.  Yay!

Starts out not too bad.  Had my protein shake.  It is rather tasty. Chocolate of course.
I have been drinking it off and on for a few days so that my stomach won't have a total
fit with it.

It's now 12:30 - my stomach thinks I totally abandoned it.  Geez!

Quickly downed a small cup of ready made chocolate pudding (sugar free of course).
and a glass of my fav peach tea water (sugar free too).

Please settle down stomach.  We gotta do this!

Aaa!  finally had some warm chicken broth which seemed to sooth my stomach and
trick it into thinking it had something to eat.

Couple of hrs later, developed a terrible headache and stomach seems not happy once again.

Drink more!

1/19/14 Last day to chew for a while

Woke up with a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen.
Larry and Haylee had been working on a big breakfast for all of us but mainly
because of me.
Today is my last day to chew in quite a while.  I am soooo ready to get this started.
I know the all liquids for 2 wks is going to be next to impossible. But then the
big day will hopefully hurry up and get here.
I am expecting the worse and hoping for the best.

I enjoyed a fabulous breakfast with my peeps, then took it easy with the foods the rest of
the day.  I worked on having lots of liquids and even ended up not having but 1/2 a burger
and a few chips for supper.
I will have a snack in a bit while watching a couple of my fav sitcom shows.

Then tomorrow morning - all liquids.
Yikes.  I have waited for quite a while now for this to get to the point of tomorow morning
to get this underway, and after months, it's finally here.  Yay and Yikes!

My head is spinning with all the things to get ready - have ready, foods to try to have handy for Larry
and bug but not me, to have things done ahead of time, to have ideas of stuff to take to hospital,
and on and on.

1/16 & 1/18/14 Last week before pre-op liquids begins

Thursday Jan 16, 2014
I have 3 more days that I can chew.  Then on Monday I begin my all liquid pre-op diet.
Time is going by so extremely slow with getting this underway.  But it is finally about to take the next step.


Saturday Jan 18,
Well tomorrow is it, the last day to chew for a while.
I had a nice quiet day at home while Larry and Bug went to a gun show.
btw - he bought me a 38 lady smith & wesson revolver - totally LOVE it!

We all went out to China Delight for one final dinner out that I can totally enjoy the amts.

Tomorrow morning, he is gonna make me bacon, eggs, homemade biscuits and gravy
for my final big meal.  Then light the rest of the day.

Also, even if embarrassing - I don't care - I am going to let Larry and Bug measure me
all sorts of measurements so that I can chart it (which I have ready) and see the results
in inches along with the pounds.

Larry is being so very supportive of all of this.  It's actually kind of funny that the very first time
I brought up the subject, the next day during work, he emailed me all sorts of info along with
a phone number and website of a contact in Little Rock that does surgeries routinely.

Such a mess.  gotta luv him.

Steps are about to officially begin

Jan 14, 2014

I am only a few days away from beginning the process of my 2 weeks full/only liquid diet to head to surgery on February 3rd.  

I have so many thoughts running through my head good, bad, scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and anything else to throw in there too.

I thought it would be a good idea to start putting all my thoughts down on paper - well sort of, since it seems to always help me sort things through better and later on I can look back on where I was and where I am heading.

My favorite online coupon sites to print from

Here is a list of my most reliable sites to find and print at home, 

coupons that I will be needing to use for regular use or my 

ultimate matchups is with price matching along with coupons.

I try not to print anything I will not be using, therefore I don't 

use any extra ink or paper which adds up really quickly.

You can print 2 times from each coupon (normally).  

Most of the time the coupon goes to the end

of all of the listings so you have to search a bit.

Also, you can print from different sources if you like.  

If it's one I really need, I can print from 2 different sources.

Happy New Year and my journey is about to get serious!

Happy New Year!  

As 2014 begins, so does my journey to fight my personal monster 
and my schedule is set to take it to the next level.

It has taken what seems like quite a while to get all the ducks in a row to get 
my gastric bypass surgery underway, but it's rolling along now.  

I got all my instructions via email today on when, where and 
what to do in the mean time for pre-op diet of ONLY liquids.

I am getting butterflies now as if a teenager about to go on her first date.  lol!  
I know that's silly, but I have needed and wanted this for so long now 
and it's finally about to happen.  

In spite of all the good, bad and ugly of it all at the beginning, 
I am sooo ready to fight this nasty unhealthy weight monster!

I am about to make the drastic step to gain a very large tool to 
beat this monster over the head and run him off.  

I will keep posted once I get this underway 
and on how the results are beginning to be.