To my monster

Well, well Mr Monster.

It's been a while since I stopped by here to have a bit of a chat with you.  

I know it' been an up and down road the past (almost) 6 wks but I feel like 

you are grip is just a little more lose on me.  

I know at times I  have to still buckle under the pressure of this new little tool in my 
arsenal especially when you throw a curve ball of being sick.  

You will do just about anything won't you.  Even cheat like that.

Well, I went to see my newest allies yesterday, and we re-evaluated our progress 
so far and have even a tougher plan in the works for this war with you.

Yes, I know you have had such a tough hold on me for so many years, but enough.  
Enough with the foods that I am not suppose to have and would buckle under the 
bullying peer pressure from tv, society, nerves, boredom, etc.

It's MY time.  I am taking it back!  Taking my life back under my control!

It's only a small matter of time, a it's a slow, daily stragegic process 
and with all healed and tolerances built back up . . . . 

You are NOW on notice!!!  I'm coming for you!!

My rant on weight loss surgery being cheating

I have hooked up with a couple of Facebookpages and are gaining some great friends that have had weight loss surgeries of all different types.  

I am so saddened and disgusted when I see many posts on these pages that people always accuse them of cheating by having this surgery.   

I think it's pretty dam sad that one has to make fun of another for succeeding in whatever way possible to lose this weight and win the battles against food and ALL of the health disease issues that come along with it just to justify themselves for not doing something about it.  

In doing this, have we really outgrown the school days of bullying one because they have something different than us? We fuss about so much bullying going on in our schools with our youth's today.  What about ourselves????????

Since, following through with my extremely thoroughly investigated decision to try to get a grip on my own health, by having the gastric bypass surgery instead of loosing battle I was not winning with the diabetes and facing insulin dependency, along with all of the sad and terrible ongoing things that are associated with this terrible diabetic society.

I am not usually one that uses non-nice language on here, in this case, I really need to!

So to whomever says it's the easy way out - Bullshit!  and try it if you think it's easy.  

Would you consider, having to be careful with absolutely every single choice of bite you take, size and what it is along with every single sip you take in?

If each and every bite and sip are not just right, I am in pain and totally miserable for a bit that makes that tiny sip or tiny bite soooo NOT worth it!

My stomach pouch is now my extremely strict Sergeant with arms that will put me on my knees if it doesn't approve.

Counting each toward each and every protein you are suppose to carefully get along with each and every vitamin I will be continually be changing according to what I am low on, for the rest of my life also.

I cannot have a choice to cheat for that meal, that bite or that drink!!!!!

This surgery is a TOOL!  A tool that can be used or abused.  I have one shot at using this tool to my health benefit my personal life quality and expectency.

Many are younger, more active, ability, etc, and so with that, you have a tool of advantage.  So we are not so unequal after all.

I don't challenge anyone to just lose the weight.  I challenge each and everyone to GET HEALTHY!  

Yes I am succeeding, but it's a lifelong decision that can't be undone like dropping of a diet for a meal, or a day or an impulse or splurge.

It's something that affects my family as much as myself.
Which I have the most fab family and friends that is all for this, seeing what the alternative of not doing anything is doing to me/us.  

Many people who have made this decision of surgery, have even lost many life long and close friends, and family members due to their choice.

It would break my heart for that to happen as we never have enough people in our lives anyway.  But so be it if that be necessary.

My life - my health, and my immediate family are the people I am answering to.  And my God.  That's it.  

Thursday, January 11th, - 4 days left

Counting down the days.

Come on Monster - 

I'm about to have reinforcements 

to help me kick your butt!!!!

As of today, only 4 more days, till my life - our lives forever!  
My surgery is scheduled to take place at 11 am Monday morning in Little Rockat Baptist Medical Center.

My life will sort of start all over again with a whole new angle and lifestyle.  I am so very ready.  I have been pumping myself up a lot for this!

I am soooo ready to toss those insulin shots into a tree as hard as I can and then stomp them also.  

Will also be so very nice to be taking Vitamins (even if it might be several) that will help my body not polute it with medicine that helps one thing, but hurts others.

Today marks day 11 of the 14 days of Liquid diet that was given to me by Dr. Off and on times it's not fun at all and really tough, but it's so normal now, I think I have it made the rest of the time.

And on a very inspiring note, I started on it weighing 217.8
As of this morning - I weigh 209.2!  Yes my dear - single twenties. Woo Hoo to that.  

I have also been working on trying to get everything in order.  Larry will be with me of course.  He's not allowed to leave. lol!  Perhaps to go to cafeteria to eat once in a while.  haha!

Ashley is taking the week off from work and staying here with Haylee, and our aide for mom will be here during the days.
So think the people are handled.  :P

I have saved leftovers here and there so that Larry doesn't really have to cook all that much although he is actually a good cook.

I finished up shopping (I think) with regular price matching stuff, and stocking for them also.

I have all my liquid vitamins and other vitamins, shake mixes, etc all purchased and ready to go also.

There is so much to it over all, but with anything, it will be overwhelming at first, but later be fine.

I even got me a new simple gown to wear hopefully the second day out so it will be sort of normal feeling.

Hair trimmed up, and as my sweetie suggested to make me feel better about this - got new mani w nails and pedi also.  Love that!
and Love that man of mine.

I know I am going to soon start the nervous part of all of this - but for now - I am just counting the days and trying to think ahead of anything to make things easier for all the people involved in this.

I plan on just trying to nap.  lol!  I know they are going to have to see me walk and I am going to do my darnest to do so.  But nap in between times.  :p

I am scheduled on Monday and should be home on Wednesday - some time during the day.  

And of all things, the weather is calling for snow or at least wintery stuff off and on starting Sunday night till Tues night.  Ugg.

Would be sort of cool to see some flurries while there, but not knowing it's on the roads.  Oh well, just hope Doc is spending the night as he and his associates have 4 of us to work on.  lol!

I met a couple of great girls at our Dietian meeting.  Some of us had a chance to exchange phone numbers to text.  What a hoot.

I guess tata for now.  Signing off until next time.

February 1st (surgery month) is finally here.

Seems like I have been waiting forever for this new month to arrive.  I first began this process just before Thanksgiving and had to put it off for a bit to get all the ducks in a row.

And so finally. . .  OMG it is here.  I am 36 hrs from surgery.

I have officially lost 10 lbs so far on the 2 weeks I have been on the required liquid type diet.  Have done extremely better than I thought it would be.

Now we have one other issue to work through.
The weather.
The forcast is calling for a bit of a mess on the day we have to travel to Little Rock for checkin and surgery, and again on the day we are to be released and travel back home.

Interesting!

Hopefully it won't be as bad as they are suggesting to be. Number one in this step is to get Ashley here.  She is coming tomorrow to go over stuff easier before we leave Monday morning. 
But the weather is going to be an issue for that too.  She has decided to come much earlier in the day so she can avoid some of it.
We do have a 4-wheel drive truck that can possibly do better to get us to Little Rock.  But may be a problem for me to get into once I am ready leave the hospital.  

So keeping fingers crossed and eyes on the weather - greatly anticipating the hours clicking by to head to start my new beginning.

One more week to go!

Oh yay, eek!

One week from right now I will be checking in to the hospital to begin the process to transform
my life from here on. So excited and anxious.  Not nervous yet.  Probably once I get in there I will be
but I am so very determined.

I had an almost mishap yesterday with food.  And such an odd one.  You know how you go to get something and grab this or that and not really thinking, well, while making mac & cheese for my
family for dinner, I was slicing some Velvetta to put into a bowl to soften for it.
Before I knew it, it was almost in my mouth.  YIKES!!  I quickly put it down then nearly
cried because of wanting some so very bad.  Such an odd thing.  Ever since my daughter,
Ashley was little, when we would slice it to use, I would always holler for her and we would
have a slice (or two lol).  But  . . . I will have it again.  Just a taste here and there, but a taste
is all that it actually lasts anyway.

You know the old saying that's been around forever - a moment on the lips - forever on the hips!

I am thinking, touch your tongue with a lick of something, and enjoy, but only swallow what's
healthy.  lol!  Some things you can do that with and some have to be devowered.  lol!

Day 6 - moving right along with this pre-op step

Today is day 6 of my 2 wk. pre-op liquid step part of the program.
So hard to believe I have actually made it for this many days in a row without even a nibble.

Tomorrow actually makes it the 1/2 way mark on this first step of the program.  So excited.
Tuesday I will be meeting with the nutritionist with loads of questions and have my hospital
blood work done, then just a matter of waiting till the next Monday for surgery.

I had a pretty miserable day yesterday for most of the day.  My stomach was not wanting to 
cooperate.  I remembered later on, that just about every senerio, websites and facebook pages
on this subjects, says drink more.  

So I downed a couple of glasses of peach tea and water sips in the next hour or so, and it
actually did help.  Perhaps a mind thing too, but I felt better by about 4 or so.

I weighed this morning when I got up and so far in 5 days I have lost 7.5 lbs.  Woo Hoo!
That puts me at 210.4  
Nothing like loosing a bit to make it more motivational.  :)

I have been trying a few new mixtures of this and that so maybe I won't get too bored
with and to find out what I might be open to since cutting out all the other stuff available.

I have actually gotten to the point I like V8 veggie juice.  Not much at a time, but 
beginning to be pretty tasty.  I usually have about 4 oz just before I have my protein
shake so that I feel like that's dinner and the protein shake is dessert.  lol!  I know
it sounds silly.  It's my mind game.  

Today I was reading again for the upteenth time on my list of things I can have,
and it states that I can have oatmeal, grits, and cream of wheat.
Never really cared for oatmeal texture, but after jellos and shakes, might
be worth a try.
I blended the oatmeal so it would be more ground up, then added some splenda and 
cinnamon and fat free milk.  Oh Yumm!!!  Nice and warm something for the tummy.
It was a very happy tummy!

I also added a bit of the chocolate flavored protein shake to it which was even better!!

After that, I made up some banana cream pudding (sf) and thought  it would be an
interesting idea to try puree'ing a banana and adding to it.

Note to self:  pudding doesn't work as well with puree'd stuff added at the beginning.
And although pretty tasty even though runny, tummy didin't like it!!

As we wrap up day 6, my tummy is about to settle from the banana pudding fiasco,
and I still have a protein shake to go before bed.  Then on to day 7.