Showing posts with label Calories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Calories. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Panic pitty party time

Excuse my Pitty party time I guess.  

I am feeling each day is a little deeper in a failure with this ongoing battle with this Monster of mine.  He is such an ugly beast.


You know I keep rolling around the song lyrics that are way too fitting for me today to parts of a John Denver song.  

"Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.
Some times the hard times won't leave me alone. "(My Monster)
"Some times the cold wind chills in my bones."
(Some times the monster makes misery in my bones)

He is slowly but surely taking back my life no matter what steps I have done and continue to try to do to fight.

The harder I seem to fight and work and try new tactics, the scales of the weight of this monster are taking over once again.  

I took such drastic measures just over 2 yrs ago, to try to gain a really supurb tool to help me fight this beast.  And was winning.  Until the "newleywed" phase of that was over, then the work had to begin. 

The real work of my tool of Rny had done its part now my turn to do my part and fight, fight, and work work, each step each bite being causiously thought out.  

But to no avail, today, I crossed the +20 mark.
OMG!  
20 lbs of regain!  

Once again my blood pressure is starting to rise, my aches and pains of the weight are returning able to sleep less and less and only a matter of time and the big ugly Type 2 "D" will begin to rear it's vicious head again.

I am working so hard each day on all sorts of directions to make sure I am getting the maximum amounts of calories burned in a variety of ways, watching each and every bite - protein - carb - liquids I put into my body are carefully considered.

I pray, I eat, I care for, I try to sleep, then the next day I start all over with:  I pray, I eat, I care for, I move more.

I could and would be kicking my own monster self if I was eating things I shouldn't!  

But I even track my lil no'no's just to try to reach the minimum 1000 calorie intake a day!

Spoke with the weight loss surgery team's nutritionist a couple of weeks ago, she even agreed with my typical day - to not be a reasonable explanation to it and to try something different and increase my carbs a bit.  

So I did and I think didn't help any.  :(*

I invested in a fitbit to stay on track and motivation help with gettting more movement in my day as most days I am not even out of my yard.

I have stopped any medications that can possibly contribute to any type of stress controlling that might be causing slowing of metabolism.  (which since stopping is probably adds to the reason for the pitty party)

And I do also, realize as tears drip onto my keyboard as I type this, that I am doing NONE of them great, probably not even considered well.

This is day 3 of a terrible allergy gone wild making it totally miserable head, nauseous time which I know probably another reason to feel so down with this.

The old saying - muscle weighs more than fat - well, think about that.  

NOT true.  

Hopefully somehwere in my body a bit of muscle is forming.  

But since working out steadily I have now gained 4 lbs and not changed one single bite of food except for really trying to reach my goal of 1000 cal a day. 

Hard for me to do!  I have one thing on my side (so far) that, 

shhhhh  (lets speak of very softly as my monster doesn't know I don't have much of any real hunger yet, just head hunger)

Back to just totally freaking my butt out with this weight thing.  

Suppose to eat right, watch what you eat, drink liquids and LOSE 1-2 lbs a week. 

I have done the TOTAL opposite!  

Having once again, to do some re-evaluation to see how and what is and is NOT working.  

Obviously, the progress is NOT working. Now how to change it.

Obviously another things is wipe that monster face, and pull up those big girl panties and get my butt busy even more.

I think I am going to begin, once again, to do the all liquids a couple of days to maybe jump start something, anything in the other direction!
Then we will see.  

Surely won't be even worse!  Praying anyway!

If this keeps up - I will be right back to the fat - miserable high blood pressured,  type 2 diabetic taking all sorts of meds, and insulin shots just to get through one more day of misery that My Monster of me is going to become again.  

Damit!  

It's not to stop!!  

I have GOT to find some sort of answer here.  

I keep praying!  

And I keep working!

And I keep tracking!

And I pray some more!




Tuesday, February 3, 2015

1 year post op of weight loss surgery

Hey hey hey!  
I cannot believe it has been one entire year since my Rny (gastric bypass weight loss surgery)  Woo Hoo!  What a ride it has been.  Ups and downs, and spins and twists.  Talk about roller coaster.  But all is good.  Actually all is great!

I have attached a before surgery pic that I took at my first meeting with the Dr. and one that was about 1 month ago.  Then I have a full update of my wild and crazy year journey.






















My year in review at 1 yr surgiversary of Rny surgery.


Today, February 3, 2015 is a huge day for me and my journey and battle against "My Monster". 

As of today, it is my 1 year anniversary of one of the biggest, most significant decisions I have ever made.  It was my choice to take back MY LIFE and MY HEALTH! 

One year ago today, I arrived at Baptist Hospital in Little Rock to have a surgery that is referred to as Roux-en-y (RNY) for short.

It is a robotic version of a gastric bypass surgery to re-route my stomach, small intestine to help me to gain control of my weight, diabetes, high blood pressure and many other smaller issues that were contributing to my declining health.

I did NOT enter into this decision to merely "loose weight".  I went into this venture, to gain a tool that I could fight a better battle, more equipped to take on and succeed in the battle of my life.  I though long and hard about this decision. 

Just over a year ago, I was trying to do all I knew I should do with the help of Dr's and many friends, and wonderful husband and daughter and grand-daughter, to try to get this declining health under control, but was desperately losing the battle, slowly but surely as each day passed, becoming more and more, against all the odds of time being on my side. 

I had not long ago, turned 54, and now in my hand at the crucial moment of my truth and awakening, my very first insulin shot.  Yikes!!!

One of my worst fears in my own life, besides the ultimate being cancer, was to face the truth that I had failed, and failed miserably. 

At that crucial moment of truth and awakening, I sat in the dark, alone, as everyone had gone to bed, and held the syringe in my shaking hand, it was like you see in many movies.  The syringe grew larger and my hand shaking, trying to get up the nerve to stick myself in the stomach, knowing it wouldn't be long and it wouldn't be just once a day type of shot.  It would increase in volume, and frequency with time.

I totally lost it!  I totally broke down.  Tears rolling down my cheeks, gasping for air, syringe still in my shaking hand.

I did quite a bit of crying, cursing, and if you know much about me - a laugh in there too.

Along with all of this - quite a bit of praying too. 

What was I going to do.  I had to have an answer and quick.  Sure I have tried and succeeded before in losing the weight, but I had to have something NOW to get this under control NOW.   I truly felt as though I had no time to waste.

WHATEVER it took.  I was to the point, I would have cut off my hand that was holding the insulin syringe if necessary to get a grip on my life.

What???  What was I going to do???

Once again, as I referred to, as in the movies,  an answer suddenly and very clearly popped into my head.  I knew instantly that was it! 

God had taken my shaking hand.  It was a feeling as if it was being held onto and patted.

I could finally take a reasonable breath again, and suddenly my desperate question was answered.

Weight loss surgery! 

I remembered that my sister in law, had recently had a surgery called gastric sleeve, and was doing great with it.  Losing weight which was helping her gain control of her health and life also.

That was it.  My answer and without any single doubt in my mind from that second on, I knew with all of my heart, and without any fear from that moment on, I never once felt nervous or scared to go through with it.  I truly felt I was lead to this decision by my Lord and once again Savior of my life, not just my spirit.

Instantly, my faith was renewed in all aspects of my life.  I would do whatever it took and no matter how long or painful or complicated this may be, I KNEW it was the right thing.

I was able to, without another negative, or nervous though, took my insulin shot, no pain, not anything, just peace of mind that I would NOT take ONE more of those shots than
ABSOLUTELY necessary to get me to the next step of this journey.

I think that was about the longest night I had been through in a while.  I had already written online to my sis in law, all sorts of questions about what steps to take and who to contact.

The next morning, while spending a few minutes with Larry before he would head out to work, I highlighted my adventure, we will call it, from the night before, to Larry.  Not knowing what he would think, I guess in a way I did already know in my heart.

He instantly patted me and said, lets check this out.  And that he would take off whenever and whatever necessary to get me to Little Rock (as I hate driving there) to do whatever necessary to get this started.

Before his first couple of hours had passed at work, he had an email with all sorts of names and links on it to contact the correct people to get the ball rolling.

As phone calls and meetings, insurance approvals, progressed through all the steps of a not so easy process to reach the surgery day, I actually felt so much better and stronger that there WAS actually a light at the end of the tunnel of desperation I was in.

I was counting down the days on my calendar until the day was finally here.  The day to take back MY life! 

I had two weeks prior of surgery to go on a liquid only diet plan.  I had a tough spell a couple of times.  A bit of panic but not over the surgery that seemed to have slowed time, but the withdraw from chewing I guess you could say.  But with only 2 weeks until that would take care of itself by my stomach being - rearranged, it was only a limited time to have to go through. 

Sure I was very much aware that after surgery would not be a piece of "cake" (funny term for "after" weight loss surgery).  But I still had such a strong un-wavering determination, as I have not had in quite some time that THIS was my path, my destiny to follow and that all would be fine.  Whatever happened would happen.  But the alternative was NOT going to happen.

I was in NO way going to back down from this. 

I remember clearly as Larry and I was sliding to Little Rock to check in on an icy road most of the way, he asked if I was nervous and ready to head home yet.
I just said "Nope!  Lets do this"!!! 

Then as I sat all dressed in the lovely hospital gown and cap, I was all giggles.  I was so ready for this to begin.  They got to me really quickly, but seemed to be forever.

Next thing I knew was waking up and being so very dry mouthed, that I couldn't speak.

And sure, without a doubt there was some discomfort.  But still NOTHING as I would have expected and had planned for.  I was thinking it would be much worse. 

My back gave me more trouble from having to lay pretty flat for the first several hours and being dry mouthed.  For the first few hours, absolutely not even any ice chips to suck on.  Which sucked. 

But before long, I got those awesome ice chips, then few hours later, sip of water, hours later,  broth.  Woo Hoo!  Broth.  hehe!

Wasn't really that long until I was up and pacing the halls with a couple of other fabulous gals that had the same surgery by the same group of  three doctors who worked together on all three of us.

We had become "Pouch Peeps" together.  By the next day, we were roaming the halls together to get in our exercise and to work off the swelling from the air and gas they pump you with for surgery.  The nurses definitely got a kick out of us.

On the third day we all were allowed to head home.  Thank goodness for a good dose of pain medication before heading home.  I still barely remember climbing into a four-wheel drive truck and the ride home.  Hmmm.  Good meds.  hehe!

Home sweet home.  It always does look even more awesome when you are away a couple of days.  The faces of my girls, Ashley and Haylee, meeting us at the door was absolutely priceless. 

My dear hubby, and girls took such good care of me.  It was so nice to become a bit spoiled.  Although, it never fails, when you aren't really able to "do" something, is when you want to the most.  Wipe the counter, laundry etc.  
You know all those dreaded daily things.  You suddenly need to do. 

I am still amazed that, in spite of many times of having to lay down a bit here and there pretty often, and having to have someone help me to get flat into the bed, it was all tolerable. 

I definitely say it was not an easy journey.  But worth it - DEFINTELY!
I have grown to know so much about health, diet, good and not so good foods in disguise, and so on.  I have learned thorough trial and error, that "one more bite" WILL make you pay with only a small "egg" size stomach.

Also, have learned the hard way - to make sure you sip ALL the time to get those liquids down. 

And like all the others who followed this path, the dreaded part of about 4 months after, hair starts coming out like crazy.  LOTS of it.  There were days that I would just stare at the hair in my hand instead of my head, and then panic a few times, but it's hair. 

Is it worth losing a lot of hair to gain a lot of control of your life.  YES!
And thank God, it's not the type of hair loss associated with any type of cancer and its treatments.  So this is a minor detail process to go through.

I did finally give in and have it all cut short.  Shorter than I have ever had it in my life.

And no bangs!  OMG no bangs!  Ugh.  That part got me a couple of times, but it was still way better than the dry stringy scrunchy mess left behind to deal with . 
All of this short hair-do is all new, so much more healthy hair.  And it's so amazing how all of my life, I have pretty much fought with my hair, needing it to be so-so and most of the time it not working as I wished it would. 
So through the process of chopping off all the length, and not having it to fuss over has actually become quite liberating.  

What's the silly saying, No muss - No fuss.

I might actually keep it short for a while.  Although bangs will be nice at some future point in time.  They are growing, just extremely slowly.

As for my health, one year later you might ask?  I have lost over 80 pounds since surgery and even more than that from my highest weight, which I have a pic or two of but not actual weight as I wouldn't get on the scales for months to try to avoid reality of it all.

My health - well, I would say - never been better.  I am probably more healthy in so many ways than I have ever been. 

I traded all my prescriptions for high blood pressure, out of control diabetes and all sorts of meds to counter act all the other meds - for a handful of daily vitamins.  And  . . . .my blood work looks amazing. 

I am so full of enlightenment, blessings, excitement and graciousness of all of my special people that have helped me to and through this journey.

To each of you - you hold a very special place in my heart and may God bless you.

























Saturday, November 23, 2013

Working on steps toward success

11/23 Thursday:

I am gradually working through the steps toward the surgery option I have decided for fighting this war against weight.

Just like any addict, I am going to try to work through it pretty much the same way.

I have checked with my Dr and got the ok to persue this option.

Last week we went to Little Rock to attend a group meeting to see what all is involved in the Gastric surgery procedures that are available and to turn in my paperwork

I have checked with our insurance companies on what the coverages are.

Now to wait.  This is a waiting type elective surgery.  Perhaps to make sure it's not a rush one as it's a permenant one.  Which is fine with me.  I am just more determined than ever with each passing day.

I have spoken with several people about it and all with glowing recommendations.  As a matter of fact, I went to dentist yesterday for checkup and cleaning and the girl that did the cleaning had done the 
laproscopic bypass procedure about 4 yrs ago and was willing to tell me all about the good- bad and ugly sides of it.

I was so impressed with it, I couldn't help but count how long it would be before I might hear from the Little Rock people on setting up the next step.

Well, to my very exciting surprise, I heard from the Little Rock Dr office this morning, and what to do next and a nurse would call this afternoon and would let me know when and where with the next step as I am a very great candidate for the laproscopic gastric sleeve or bypass.  

I had already told the nurse that called this morning that I was sooo ready for this and that if necessary I was ready to start my 2 weeks of pre-surgery liquid diet tomorrow if necessary.  

So, when the 2nd nurse called this afternoon, I was again jumping for joy to know that there is an opening tomorrow for me to actually meet with my Dr and discuss which surgery and when to begin the 2 weeks pre-surgery steps.  


YAY!  On my way Miss Monster.  

I do in fact realize this is only a tool to help me succeed with this war.  And I sooo need that.  Like fighting with a stick vs a machine gun.  Yeah Buddy!!!

With all of this falling into place, I know more than ever this is the direction I am to take.  


I WILL make this work!  

Miss Monster of Weight - you are on notice!!!




Hide if you may . . . 

my ducks are lining up and coming for you!!!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Now what????? How do I fight this monster???

As I wrote in the last blog post, I am to almost a despirate point that I have got to make some very serious life changing decisions as to where I go from here.


This is my monster I have pictured as being my weight monster!

I have a war to win against this guy!



I know my situation with being somewhat confined to home,  and somewhat limited to outings of many types,  (which even grocery shopping is almost a freedom break if there is such a thing while grocery shopping - lol) and nothing in the near future is going to change.

So I have got to figure out how to do that on a limited playing field.


Mind set!  

I have to get my mind set to do something about this weight no matter what it takes - good, bad or ugly!!!

I came home, still in disbelief of how far I had let this truly go with this monster of weight thing.  

With insulin shot in hand and sat there that night in the dark, all alone, just staring at the insulin vile, telling it (out loud I think)
that it would not be around very long!  I WOULD win some how some way.  I am NOT going to be a part of the world out there that has to take this the rest of my life.  I would do something drastic if necessary!

Then it hit me - BOOM!  I need this NOW.  My situation isn't changing, but I have to and I thought of a very sweet sister in law that has been battling this moster also.

She recently had gastric sleeve surgery to get this under control and in a permenant way.

Oh no I can't do that!  

I have always thought I couldn't and wouldn't make such a drastic venture as this!  

But as I set in the dark and poked my stomach for the first time and pushed the button to release the insulin - Oh your darn right I can!!!

I want something as drastic as this surgery to give me a tool that I can work with in a whole new light!  I want something I cannot reverse or just decide to toss to the side like many diet plans.

This is it!  

The answer to kick my butt into major gear and to get my handle on my monster.

The next day - I contacted my sister in law and wanted to know all the details.  I was very impressed.  She gave me the info and as soon as I mentioned it to hubby, he instantly said - we will figure out a way to get this done if this is what you want.  Yes I do.  So he jumped on it with insurance, etc and got even more details for me.

Within a couple of days I had signed up for the next available orientation of what is all involved with the procedures.  

Just a couple of weeks later, I head to Little Rock for the first conference.

Yay!  I have my mind made up - remember that monster?  I have wiped her nose off and heading to seeing appointments to get the ball rolling to clean up her/my act!



Just like any addict that has ever been known, I have my hiding places for this and that and the other of bites of candy, etc, that I keep hidden for those weak moments.  I have always been a sweet eater for as long as I can remember.

I have learned to pretty much give all them up but still have those lil secret stash places.  They are about empty.  I will finish tossing those soon.  Dollars spent or not - they are drugs of a type.  A drug that I am having a life threatening reacting to!!


I am NOT going to feed this monster any longer!!!

I kwon the war of the smoking monster (which was NOT easy) in 2005 which I guess got this started, or just an excuse to get this started perhaps.

NO more excuses!!!

I have printed a pic of my monster to hang on my fridge.  I want to never forget this creature who I have allowed to silently steal MY life.  




Thursday, April 19, 2012

How to calculate exact calories YOU need to cut to lose weight and increase metabolism?

I am so excited to find out how many calories I am 
actually suppose to have to work with.

Once again I have been playing around online trying to come up with more ideas on metabolism - how it works, (and doesn't work) and how to increase.

All of us have heard of BMI (body mass index) I am not even going to go there on what mine would be at this point.

But I just ran across a site that shows how to figure out your BMR.  Basal Metabolic Rate (the number of calories you'd burn if you stayed in bed all day)  Which I could do the "in bed all day" thing but not 
quite possible. lol!  


Such simple steps.  

    when you enter the correct amt into the "calculator"  click on  
   "Calculate BMR"

2.  The page will refresh and give your amt on a green line just 
     above the calculator boxes

3.  After you know your # for BMR, click on the link just under 
    the calculator that says, "Daily Caloric Needs".  
    This takes you to a new page that has a formula to figure 
    your BMR x Activity level

4.  After you have that number figured, click on the appropriate line 
    that states:  calorie intake to lose weight.
    This will take you to a new page that will explain how to adjust your 
    calorie intake and then exercise is a plus to making this factor work 
    even better.         



**p.s.  

* I had NO idea how many calories I should really be consuming to lose weight at a safe rate, as eating too little is just as tough since your metabolism slows.  I am amazed and excited to have a formula to 
see just what it should be.  

Also, I am trying so hard to make sure I have something to eat every 
3-4 hrs.  Even if it's a little something, just to keep my stubborn lil' 
'Metabo' guy awake and clicking along.