Playing blog catch up

Wowza.  I didn't realize just how long it had been since I was on My Monster blog.  
So . . .  to do some catching up.

This month (February 2016) marks 2 yrs since I had my gastric bypass surgery, RNY.  
It's been an interesting journey which has been so very successful in getting enough weight off that I have NO need for any diabetic medicines, including shots, NO blood pressure meds, (although some days around here I need a chill pill.  Eek!  <80  ( that is suppose to be me freaking with a pointy hat. lol!)

I feel so extremely fortunate to be successful in my choices and the support I have through all of this.

I had my 2 yr mark checkup with my Bariatric dr, which anyone who meets this guy would instantly like his fun personality and his main nurse also.  So extremely helpful and so supportive.

At my weigh in, I was totally straight with him and yes, I have seriously slipped and gained some back.    My dr was not too concerned about it as most people do have a bit of regain when their body settles from the surgery and rapid weight loss.  
Also, he did agree with the med I had been taking the past several months, is a super slower downer. (lol) of the metabolism.   

He said to not worry, just go back to basics of which I keep so very simple anyway, and I am perhaps fortunate that my lil "pouchie poo" is pretty particular and I don't very too much with the foods.

Also, I am very fortunate that my appetite hasn't returned yet.  Practically all is only head hunger.  And still habits from associations creep in from time to time.  

I still have a challenge many days, to make sure to get up to the 1000 calorie mark with appropriate foods, that I should be doing.  

After several times checking with "Mrs Google" she keeps stating if one eats too little, the body can stay in survive type mode. Guess that might be part of the problem too.

But to be totally honest with this, I am very quick to point out though, to myself that I have GOT to move MORE.  
What's that commercial say about a body in motion stays in motion and a body who doesn't wont.

Well, that's my new philosophy.   

Move move and move some more.

Track track and track some more.  

Every bite - every sip write it before you bite or drink it!

I keep reminding myself I have come way too far to slip back again.  I will NOT let this monster back in my life!

So, now back to the basics.  And proof that surgery only allows us with an extra tool, not a cure!

Easy, heck no!  One of the several hardest things I have ever done in my life.

But worth it - heck yes.  We all have heard so many times, age is an enemy in a way to controlling weight. Our body naturally slows down as it ages. Makes sense.

Ok, the basics of "after surgery" life. 

#1 - Focus on protein - protein and more protein.  Lean protein that is.  For me - I rely a lot on protein drinks.  Probably too much is a bit of my problem also.  Body doesn't have to work as hard with a liquid as it does something to break down.  So, I will try eating more protein here and there and perhaps a bit less on the shakes.

#2 - MOVE!  
No matter how much, any movement is some!

So - to start the motivation, I have heard a lot about Fitbit being all the rage for tracking movement.  

Perfect - got it ordered and received a couple of days ago.  
Totally love gadgetry.  Lol!

I am quickly reminded of the same sort of idea to price matching/couponing idea with this new gadget. #1 thing - Awareness!  Key!!

I could watch every single drink and bite carefully, BUT - gotta move.  Move Move Move!

Not just a stroll, but also need the higher heart rate/fat burning moving and for hopefully over time, be able to do it for a longer peroid of time.

Well . . . I just sort of rocked another 1st time for me.

I have wanted to do zumba forever, but am not very coordinated at all - :P

And keep coming up with reasons not to get to classes, which much of the time is a challenge.A while back, I picked up a beginner instructional type Zumba dvd, and when I finally found out where I put it.

Guessing it was a bad day so me and my monster hid it well. :P)  

The dvd was even still sealed. 

So, I fixed a glass of kiwi strawberry Propel water and I not only opened the wrapper, but I also went as far as putting it into the dvd player and . . .

wait for it . . . .

I actually DID my first ever Zumba program.

I survived the tutorial/101/beginner type program. yay! lol!

Not that it was at all pretty. I was waiting for a knock on the door from officials to tell me to close the blinds. :0

It was an instructional/beginner intro at first, then onto a somewhat simple workout, but geez, my legs were jelly. I have a LONG way to go!

Lol!  

I will try to check back tomorrow and see if I can roll out of bed. - And this was jjust the beginner instructional type. Lol!

So, lessons learned and conquered today - 1st step into serious cardio work. Which we all need to do more and more.

I am thinking of the old phrase we all have heard way too many times but don't live by,

We all need to eat to live - not live to eat!

Take care and God bless and stay safe out there.

1 year post op of weight loss surgery

Hey hey hey!  
I cannot believe it has been one entire year since my Rny (gastric bypass weight loss surgery)  Woo Hoo!  What a ride it has been.  Ups and downs, and spins and twists.  Talk about roller coaster.  But all is good.  Actually all is great!

I have attached a before surgery pic that I took at my first meeting with the Dr. and one that was about 1 month ago.  Then I have a full update of my wild and crazy year journey.

My year in review at 1 yr surgiversary of Rny surgery.

Today, February 3, 2015 is a huge day for me and my journey and battle against "My Monster". 

As of today, it is my 1 year anniversary of one of the biggest, most significant decisions I have ever made.  It was my choice to take back MY LIFE and MY HEALTH! 

One year ago today, I arrived at Baptist Hospital in Little Rock to have a surgery that is referred to as Roux-en-y (RNY) for short.

It is a robotic version of a gastric bypass surgery to re-route my stomach, small intestine to help me to gain control of my weight, diabetes, high blood pressure and many other smaller issues that were contributing to my declining health.

I did NOT enter into this decision to merely "loose weight".  I went into this venture, to gain a tool that I could fight a better battle, more equipped to take on and succeed in the battle of my life.  I though long and hard about this decision. 

Just over a year ago, I was trying to do all I knew I should do with the help of Dr's and many friends, and wonderful husband and daughter and grand-daughter, to try to get this declining health under control, but was desperately losing the battle, slowly but surely as each day passed, becoming more and more, against all the odds of time being on my side. 

I had not long ago, turned 54, and now in my hand at the crucial moment of my truth and awakening, my very first insulin shot.  Yikes!!!

One of my worst fears in my own life, besides the ultimate being cancer, was to face the truth that I had failed, and failed miserably. 

At that crucial moment of truth and awakening, I sat in the dark, alone, as everyone had gone to bed, and held the syringe in my shaking hand, it was like you see in many movies.  The syringe grew larger and my hand shaking, trying to get up the nerve to stick myself in the stomach, knowing it wouldn't be long and it wouldn't be just once a day type of shot.  It would increase in volume, and frequency with time.

I totally lost it!  I totally broke down.  Tears rolling down my cheeks, gasping for air, syringe still in my shaking hand.

I did quite a bit of crying, cursing, and if you know much about me - a laugh in there too.

Along with all of this - quite a bit of praying too. 

What was I going to do.  I had to have an answer and quick.  Sure I have tried and succeeded before in losing the weight, but I had to have something NOW to get this under control NOW.   I truly felt as though I had no time to waste.

WHATEVER it took.  I was to the point, I would have cut off my hand that was holding the insulin syringe if necessary to get a grip on my life.

What???  What was I going to do???

Once again, as I referred to, as in the movies,  an answer suddenly and very clearly popped into my head.  I knew instantly that was it! 

God had taken my shaking hand.  It was a feeling as if it was being held onto and patted.

I could finally take a reasonable breath again, and suddenly my desperate question was answered.

Weight loss surgery! 

I remembered that my sister in law, had recently had a surgery called gastric sleeve, and was doing great with it.  Losing weight which was helping her gain control of her health and life also.

That was it.  My answer and without any single doubt in my mind from that second on, I knew with all of my heart, and without any fear from that moment on, I never once felt nervous or scared to go through with it.  I truly felt I was lead to this decision by my Lord and once again Savior of my life, not just my spirit.

Instantly, my faith was renewed in all aspects of my life.  I would do whatever it took and no matter how long or painful or complicated this may be, I KNEW it was the right thing.

I was able to, without another negative, or nervous though, took my insulin shot, no pain, not anything, just peace of mind that I would NOT take ONE more of those shots than

ABSOLUTELY necessary to get me to the next step of this journey.

I think that was about the longest night I had been through in a while.  I had already written online to my sis in law, all sorts of questions about what steps to take and who to contact.

The next morning, while spending a few minutes with Larry before he would head out to work, I highlighted my adventure, we will call it, from the night before, to Larry.  Not knowing what he would think, I guess in a way I did already know in my heart.

He instantly patted me and said, lets check this out.  And that he would take off whenever and whatever necessary to get me to Little Rock (as I hate driving there) to do whatever necessary to get this started.

Before his first couple of hours had passed at work, he had an email with all sorts of names and links on it to contact the correct people to get the ball rolling.

As phone calls and meetings, insurance approvals, progressed through all the steps of a not so easy process to reach the surgery day, I actually felt so much better and stronger that there WAS actually a light at the end of the tunnel of desperation I was in.

I was counting down the days on my calendar until the day was finally here.  The day to take back MY life! 

I had two weeks prior of surgery to go on a liquid only diet plan.  I had a tough spell a couple of times.  A bit of panic but not over the surgery that seemed to have slowed time, but the withdraw from chewing I guess you could say.  But with only 2 weeks until that would take care of itself by my stomach being - rearranged, it was only a limited time to have to go through. 

Sure I was very much aware that after surgery would not be a piece of "cake" (funny term for "after" weight loss surgery).  But I still had such a strong un-wavering determination, as I have not had in quite some time that THIS was my path, my destiny to follow and that all would be fine.  Whatever happened would happen.  But the alternative was NOT going to happen.

I was in NO way going to back down from this. 

I remember clearly as Larry and I was sliding to Little Rock to check in on an icy road most of the way, he asked if I was nervous and ready to head home yet.

I just said "Nope!  Lets do this"!!! 

Then as I sat all dressed in the lovely hospital gown and cap, I was all giggles.  I was so ready for this to begin.  They got to me really quickly, but seemed to be forever.

Next thing I knew was waking up and being so very dry mouthed, that I couldn't speak.

And sure, without a doubt there was some discomfort.  But still NOTHING as I would have expected and had planned for.  I was thinking it would be much worse. 

My back gave me more trouble from having to lay pretty flat for the first several hours and being dry mouthed.  For the first few hours, absolutely not even any ice chips to suck on.  Which sucked. 

But before long, I got those awesome ice chips, then few hours later, sip of water, hours later,  broth.  Woo Hoo!  Broth.  hehe!

Wasn't really that long until I was up and pacing the halls with a couple of other fabulous gals that had the same surgery by the same group of  three doctors who worked together on all three of us.

We had become "Pouch Peeps" together.  By the next day, we were roaming the halls together to get in our exercise and to work off the swelling from the air and gas they pump you with for surgery.  The nurses definitely got a kick out of us.

On the third day we all were allowed to head home.  Thank goodness for a good dose of pain medication before heading home.  I still barely remember climbing into a four-wheel drive truck and the ride home.  Hmmm.  Good meds.  hehe!

Home sweet home.  It always does look even more awesome when you are away a couple of days.  The faces of my girls, Ashley and Haylee, meeting us at the door was absolutely priceless. 

My dear hubby, and girls took such good care of me.  It was so nice to become a bit spoiled.  Although, it never fails, when you aren't really able to "do" something, is when you want to the most.  Wipe the counter, laundry etc.  

You know all those dreaded daily things.  You suddenly need to do. 

I am still amazed that, in spite of many times of having to lay down a bit here and there pretty often, and having to have someone help me to get flat into the bed, it was all tolerable. 

I definitely say it was not an easy journey.  But worth it - DEFINTELY!

I have grown to know so much about health, diet, good and not so good foods in disguise, and so on.  I have learned thorough trial and error, that "one more bite" WILL make you pay with only a small "egg" size stomach.

Also, have learned the hard way - to make sure you sip ALL the time to get those liquids down. 

And like all the others who followed this path, the dreaded part of about 4 months after, hair starts coming out like crazy.  LOTS of it.  There were days that I would just stare at the hair in my hand instead of my head, and then panic a few times, but it's hair. 

Is it worth losing a lot of hair to gain a lot of control of your life.  YES!

And thank God, it's not the type of hair loss associated with any type of cancer and its treatments.  So this is a minor detail process to go through.

I did finally give in and have it all cut short.  Shorter than I have ever had it in my life.

And no bangs!  OMG no bangs!  Ugh.  That part got me a couple of times, but it was still way better than the dry stringy scrunchy mess left behind to deal with . 

All of this short hair-do is all new, so much more healthy hair.  And it's so amazing how all of my life, I have pretty much fought with my hair, needing it to be so-so and most of the time it not working as I wished it would. 

So through the process of chopping off all the length, and not having it to fuss over has actually become quite liberating.  

What's the silly saying, No muss - No fuss.

I might actually keep it short for a while.  Although bangs will be nice at some future point in time.  They are growing, just extremely slowly.

As for my health, one year later you might ask?  I have lost over 80 pounds since surgery and even more than that from my highest weight, which I have a pic or two of but not actual weight as I wouldn't get on the scales for months to try to avoid reality of it all.

My health - well, I would say - never been better.  I am probably more healthy in so many ways than I have ever been. 

I traded all my prescriptions for high blood pressure, out of control diabetes and all sorts of meds to counter act all the other meds - for a handful of daily vitamins.  And  . . . .my blood work looks amazing. 

I am so full of enlightenment, blessings, excitement and graciousness of all of my special people that have helped me to and through this journey.

To each of you - you hold a very special place in my heart and may God bless you.

To my monster

Well, well Mr Monster.

It's been a while since I stopped by here to have a bit of a chat with you.  

I know it' been an up and down road the past (almost) 6 wks but I feel like 

you are grip is just a little more lose on me.  

I know at times I  have to still buckle under the pressure of this new little tool in my 
arsenal especially when you throw a curve ball of being sick.  

You will do just about anything won't you.  Even cheat like that.

Well, I went to see my newest allies yesterday, and we re-evaluated our progress 
so far and have even a tougher plan in the works for this war with you.

Yes, I know you have had such a tough hold on me for so many years, but enough.  
Enough with the foods that I am not suppose to have and would buckle under the 
bullying peer pressure from tv, society, nerves, boredom, etc.

It's MY time.  I am taking it back!  Taking my life back under my control!

It's only a small matter of time, a it's a slow, daily stragegic process 
and with all healed and tolerances built back up . . . . 

You are NOW on notice!!!  I'm coming for you!!

My rant on weight loss surgery being cheating

I have hooked up with a couple of Facebookpages and are gaining some great friends that have had weight loss surgeries of all different types.  

I am so saddened and disgusted when I see many posts on these pages that people always accuse them of cheating by having this surgery.   

I think it's pretty dam sad that one has to make fun of another for succeeding in whatever way possible to lose this weight and win the battles against food and ALL of the health disease issues that come along with it just to justify themselves for not doing something about it.  

In doing this, have we really outgrown the school days of bullying one because they have something different than us? We fuss about so much bullying going on in our schools with our youth's today.  What about ourselves????????

Since, following through with my extremely thoroughly investigated decision to try to get a grip on my own health, by having the gastric bypass surgery instead of loosing battle I was not winning with the diabetes and facing insulin dependency, along with all of the sad and terrible ongoing things that are associated with this terrible diabetic society.

I am not usually one that uses non-nice language on here, in this case, I really need to!

So to whomever says it's the easy way out - Bullshit!  and try it if you think it's easy.  

Would you consider, having to be careful with absolutely every single choice of bite you take, size and what it is along with every single sip you take in?

If each and every bite and sip are not just right, I am in pain and totally miserable for a bit that makes that tiny sip or tiny bite soooo NOT worth it!

My stomach pouch is now my extremely strict Sergeant with arms that will put me on my knees if it doesn't approve.

Counting each toward each and every protein you are suppose to carefully get along with each and every vitamin I will be continually be changing according to what I am low on, for the rest of my life also.

I cannot have a choice to cheat for that meal, that bite or that drink!!!!!

This surgery is a TOOL!  A tool that can be used or abused.  I have one shot at using this tool to my health benefit my personal life quality and expectency.

Many are younger, more active, ability, etc, and so with that, you have a tool of advantage.  So we are not so unequal after all.

I don't challenge anyone to just lose the weight.  I challenge each and everyone to GET HEALTHY!  

Yes I am succeeding, but it's a lifelong decision that can't be undone like dropping of a diet for a meal, or a day or an impulse or splurge.

It's something that affects my family as much as myself.
Which I have the most fab family and friends that is all for this, seeing what the alternative of not doing anything is doing to me/us.  

Many people who have made this decision of surgery, have even lost many life long and close friends, and family members due to their choice.

It would break my heart for that to happen as we never have enough people in our lives anyway.  But so be it if that be necessary.

My life - my health, and my immediate family are the people I am answering to.  And my God.  That's it.  

Thursday, January 11th, - 4 days left

Counting down the days.

Come on Monster - 

I'm about to have reinforcements 

to help me kick your butt!!!!

As of today, only 4 more days, till my life - our lives forever!  
My surgery is scheduled to take place at 11 am Monday morning in Little Rockat Baptist Medical Center.

My life will sort of start all over again with a whole new angle and lifestyle.  I am so very ready.  I have been pumping myself up a lot for this!

I am soooo ready to toss those insulin shots into a tree as hard as I can and then stomp them also.  

Will also be so very nice to be taking Vitamins (even if it might be several) that will help my body not polute it with medicine that helps one thing, but hurts others.

Today marks day 11 of the 14 days of Liquid diet that was given to me by Dr. Off and on times it's not fun at all and really tough, but it's so normal now, I think I have it made the rest of the time.

And on a very inspiring note, I started on it weighing 217.8
As of this morning - I weigh 209.2!  Yes my dear - single twenties. Woo Hoo to that.  

I have also been working on trying to get everything in order.  Larry will be with me of course.  He's not allowed to leave. lol!  Perhaps to go to cafeteria to eat once in a while.  haha!

Ashley is taking the week off from work and staying here with Haylee, and our aide for mom will be here during the days.
So think the people are handled.  :P

I have saved leftovers here and there so that Larry doesn't really have to cook all that much although he is actually a good cook.

I finished up shopping (I think) with regular price matching stuff, and stocking for them also.

I have all my liquid vitamins and other vitamins, shake mixes, etc all purchased and ready to go also.

There is so much to it over all, but with anything, it will be overwhelming at first, but later be fine.

I even got me a new simple gown to wear hopefully the second day out so it will be sort of normal feeling.

Hair trimmed up, and as my sweetie suggested to make me feel better about this - got new mani w nails and pedi also.  Love that!
and Love that man of mine.

I know I am going to soon start the nervous part of all of this - but for now - I am just counting the days and trying to think ahead of anything to make things easier for all the people involved in this.

I plan on just trying to nap.  lol!  I know they are going to have to see me walk and I am going to do my darnest to do so.  But nap in between times.  :p

I am scheduled on Monday and should be home on Wednesday - some time during the day.  

And of all things, the weather is calling for snow or at least wintery stuff off and on starting Sunday night till Tues night.  Ugg.

Would be sort of cool to see some flurries while there, but not knowing it's on the roads.  Oh well, just hope Doc is spending the night as he and his associates have 4 of us to work on.  lol!

I met a couple of great girls at our Dietian meeting.  Some of us had a chance to exchange phone numbers to text.  What a hoot.

I guess tata for now.  Signing off until next time.

February 1st (surgery month) is finally here.

Seems like I have been waiting forever for this new month to arrive.  I first began this process just before Thanksgiving and had to put it off for a bit to get all the ducks in a row.

And so finally. . .  OMG it is here.  I am 36 hrs from surgery.

I have officially lost 10 lbs so far on the 2 weeks I have been on the required liquid type diet.  Have done extremely better than I thought it would be.

Now we have one other issue to work through.
The weather.
The forcast is calling for a bit of a mess on the day we have to travel to Little Rock for checkin and surgery, and again on the day we are to be released and travel back home.

Interesting!

Hopefully it won't be as bad as they are suggesting to be. Number one in this step is to get Ashley here.  She is coming tomorrow to go over stuff easier before we leave Monday morning. 
But the weather is going to be an issue for that too.  She has decided to come much earlier in the day so she can avoid some of it.
We do have a 4-wheel drive truck that can possibly do better to get us to Little Rock.  But may be a problem for me to get into once I am ready leave the hospital.  

So keeping fingers crossed and eyes on the weather - greatly anticipating the hours clicking by to head to start my new beginning.

One more week to go!

Oh yay, eek!

One week from right now I will be checking in to the hospital to begin the process to transform
my life from here on. So excited and anxious.  Not nervous yet.  Probably once I get in there I will be
but I am so very determined.

I had an almost mishap yesterday with food.  And such an odd one.  You know how you go to get something and grab this or that and not really thinking, well, while making mac & cheese for my
family for dinner, I was slicing some Velvetta to put into a bowl to soften for it.
Before I knew it, it was almost in my mouth.  YIKES!!  I quickly put it down then nearly
cried because of wanting some so very bad.  Such an odd thing.  Ever since my daughter,
Ashley was little, when we would slice it to use, I would always holler for her and we would
have a slice (or two lol).  But  . . . I will have it again.  Just a taste here and there, but a taste
is all that it actually lasts anyway.

You know the old saying that's been around forever - a moment on the lips - forever on the hips!

I am thinking, touch your tongue with a lick of something, and enjoy, but only swallow what's
healthy.  lol!  Some things you can do that with and some have to be devowered.  lol!

Day 6 - moving right along with this pre-op step

Today is day 6 of my 2 wk. pre-op liquid step part of the program.
So hard to believe I have actually made it for this many days in a row without even a nibble.

Tomorrow actually makes it the 1/2 way mark on this first step of the program.  So excited.
Tuesday I will be meeting with the nutritionist with loads of questions and have my hospital
blood work done, then just a matter of waiting till the next Monday for surgery.

I had a pretty miserable day yesterday for most of the day.  My stomach was not wanting to 
cooperate.  I remembered later on, that just about every senerio, websites and facebook pages
on this subjects, says drink more.  

So I downed a couple of glasses of peach tea and water sips in the next hour or so, and it
actually did help.  Perhaps a mind thing too, but I felt better by about 4 or so.

I weighed this morning when I got up and so far in 5 days I have lost 7.5 lbs.  Woo Hoo!
That puts me at 210.4  
Nothing like loosing a bit to make it more motivational.  :)

I have been trying a few new mixtures of this and that so maybe I won't get too bored
with and to find out what I might be open to since cutting out all the other stuff available.

I have actually gotten to the point I like V8 veggie juice.  Not much at a time, but 
beginning to be pretty tasty.  I usually have about 4 oz just before I have my protein
shake so that I feel like that's dinner and the protein shake is dessert.  lol!  I know
it sounds silly.  It's my mind game.  

Today I was reading again for the upteenth time on my list of things I can have,
and it states that I can have oatmeal, grits, and cream of wheat.
Never really cared for oatmeal texture, but after jellos and shakes, might
be worth a try.
I blended the oatmeal so it would be more ground up, then added some splenda and 
cinnamon and fat free milk.  Oh Yumm!!!  Nice and warm something for the tummy.
It was a very happy tummy!

I also added a bit of the chocolate flavored protein shake to it which was even better!!

After that, I made up some banana cream pudding (sf) and thought  it would be an
interesting idea to try puree'ing a banana and adding to it.

Note to self:  pudding doesn't work as well with puree'd stuff added at the beginning.
And although pretty tasty even though runny, tummy didin't like it!!

As we wrap up day 6, my tummy is about to settle from the banana pudding fiasco,
and I still have a protein shake to go before bed.  Then on to day 7.  

Steps are about to officially begin

Jan 14, 2014

I am only a few days away from beginning the process of my 2 weeks full/only liquid diet to head to surgery on February 3rd.  

I have so many thoughts running through my head good, bad, scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and anything else to throw in there too.

I thought it would be a good idea to start putting all my thoughts down on paper - well sort of, since it seems to always help me sort things through better and later on I can look back on where I was and where I am heading.

Happy New Year and my journey is about to get serious!

Happy New Year!  

As 2014 begins, so does my journey to fight my personal monster 
and my schedule is set to take it to the next level.

It has taken what seems like quite a while to get all the ducks in a row to get 
my gastric bypass surgery underway, but it's rolling along now.  

I got all my instructions via email today on when, where and 
what to do in the mean time for pre-op diet of ONLY liquids.

I am getting butterflies now as if a teenager about to go on her first date.  lol!  
I know that's silly, but I have needed and wanted this for so long now 
and it's finally about to happen.  

In spite of all the good, bad and ugly of it all at the beginning, 
I am sooo ready to fight this nasty unhealthy weight monster!

I am about to make the drastic step to gain a very large tool to 
beat this monster over the head and run him off.  

I will keep posted once I get this underway 
and on how the results are beginning to be.  

Steps are progressing. Now just wait.

I didn't get to write this blog post yesterday.  Seems like it's been a bit of a normal zoo around here.  lol!

Larry was able to take off work on Friday so we (along with Haylee) headed to Little Rock to meet with my new Bariatric/Gastric doctor.  

The Dr was fabulous and has a great staff also.  So nice and fun.  Not stuffy as some seem to be.

Anyway, met with Dr.  We discussed all the options available and which would work best personally for me. 

I, along with him quickly rule out the Lap band.  Not enough.  We both consider the Laproscopic Gastric Sleeve.  This has become a good standard which is proving much more succesful than the lap band.

With all my blood glucose numbers being a severe issue in this decision,  we agreed that the Laproscopic Gastric Bypass would be the perfect and necessary option for my best results.  

The techincal name is: Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.  This procedure is a bit more intense but not the full big bypasses in the past since it's done laproscopic.  

I agreed to the bit larger decision since this one has proven to be the ultimate cure for diabeties.  

So yay, decision made.  Now to work on the setup of when.  

Ugg!  So excited, but yet, it is going to take time as it is more safely and effectively done with 2 surgeons. 

So the scheduling of that is a bit more tricky.  If there is any way to get them together before the 1st of the year, then they will try, but with all the holidays coming up it will be pretty tricky.

So I am looking at right after the first of the year.  Yay!  What a way to kick off that New Year resolution. Was hoping for right away, but this is soo worth the wait.

The dr and nurses said for me to just enjoy eating over the holidays then hit this running.

But with my sugar levels and insulin, meds, etc, I can't enjoy that much with the foods and stay reasonable since I am being so strict, but a little endulgence here and there with a bite or two.  

Then I am sooo ready to hit this and of course it would be fabulous when I get some of the weight off, but I am soooo ready to get back to no or little meds, NO shots, and moving and feeling so much better.  

Can't think of a better Thanksgiving/Christmas/ New Years present for the new year.  :)

Working on steps toward success

11/23 Thursday:

I am gradually working through the steps toward the surgery option I have decided for fighting this war against weight.

Just like any addict, I am going to try to work through it pretty much the same way.

I have checked with my Dr and got the ok to persue this option.

Last week we went to Little Rock to attend a group meeting to see what all is involved in the Gastric surgery procedures that are available and to turn in my paperwork

I have checked with our insurance companies on what the coverages are.

Now to wait.  This is a waiting type elective surgery.  Perhaps to make sure it's not a rush one as it's a permenant one.  Which is fine with me.  I am just more determined than ever with each passing day.

I have spoken with several people about it and all with glowing recommendations.  As a matter of fact, I went to dentist yesterday for checkup and cleaning and the girl that did the cleaning had done the 
laproscopic bypass procedure about 4 yrs ago and was willing to tell me all about the good- bad and ugly sides of it.

I was so impressed with it, I couldn't help but count how long it would be before I might hear from the Little Rock people on setting up the next step.

Well, to my very exciting surprise, I heard from the Little Rock Dr office this morning, and what to do next and a nurse would call this afternoon and would let me know when and where with the next step as I am a very great candidate for the laproscopic gastric sleeve or bypass.  

I had already told the nurse that called this morning that I was sooo ready for this and that if necessary I was ready to start my 2 weeks of pre-surgery liquid diet tomorrow if necessary.  

So, when the 2nd nurse called this afternoon, I was again jumping for joy to know that there is an opening tomorrow for me to actually meet with my Dr and discuss which surgery and when to begin the 2 weeks pre-surgery steps.  

YAY!  On my way Miss Monster.  

I do in fact realize this is only a tool to help me succeed with this war.  And I sooo need that.  Like fighting with a stick vs a machine gun.  Yeah Buddy!!!

With all of this falling into place, I know more than ever this is the direction I am to take.  

I WILL make this work!  

Miss Monster of Weight - you are on notice!!!

Hide if you may . . . 

my ducks are lining up and coming for you!!!

Fighting a loosing war. Now what?

It's been quite a while since I wrote anything relating to my journey of weight vs. health issues.  

And not in a good way.  

Muttling along as usual, as I guess most people do. Just doing enough with the eathing good/bad, but NOT going in the right direction, but not really gaining either.

I haven't really lost any in the past year.  Pretty much holding my own with the battle of the scales, but then again, it the the war of the weight issues, my health has been affected over time of being very overweight, I presume.

About a year ago, my blood work numbers were messed up but mainly due to the sugar related stuff.  I jumped back on track and worked really hard on the no carb thing and seriously dropped the sugar replacement stuff that I was consuming as it was a LOT!

I dropped a little bit of weight and blood work numbers looked better.  So, maintain really good for a while, but those pesky monster blood work numbers gradually rising back up.  My weight stayed about the same.

A couple of months ago, I started feeling extra everything. Extremely more tired, more miserable than ever, headaches regularly, lower back and upper back and everything in between becoming more uncomfortable, hip acting up from a fall several years ago, resulting in dislocating, along with just plain ole miserable.

I kept checking my glucose, and it would NOT budge. I was seriously being super great with the carbs, but the glucose would not move downward at all.  After a few days, started freaking me out just a bit.  I think I could feel ever number that kept showing up on my meter when testing.

It was as I was taking no meds at all and eating whatever, but I was being super good by this point.

Finally miserable enough and numbers not moving on glucose meter, I went to my Dr, which is so understanding but yet has known me for so long, can read me inside and out - (lol - litterily I guess.)

Instantly ordered full fasting everything blood work and since I already knew my blood sugar levels were through the roof with no amounts of cutbacks helping, I knew what I was in for, but still hated to hear that one word, which to me means - failure in my ability to control this diabetic/weight/blood pressure issue.

When the blood work came back - UGG!
Talk about hit like a brick wall.  

Even though I knew what it would be, to be told that Insulin was a MUST now along with being close to stroke levels on some of my blood work numbers was so very hard but at the same time a relief that I guess I sort of needed to know that I could get this a little under control - maybe.  

So with close monitoring, I began and slowly increased the insulin shots (only one a day and now 30 units per shot), got a grip on the numbers for my blood sugar.  

Feeling better?  Yes and no.  Several factors I know have to be much better.  But with the dosages I have to take of my meds - Ugg.  I think perhaps my body is not liking them any more and definitely NOT liking me.

I am to the point - I will do ANYTHING it takes to get this done!!  Drastic as may need to be - good- bad - or ugly I want this under control!!!

Sure I, myself along with everyone else out there that is human, wants to be thin or even somewhat thin and wear normal size clothing.  

But this is much more than that!  I want to feel better!!  I want to once again not be embarrassed when out in public and always wonder how big I look! 

I have usually looked at this for my loved ones which I would give the world for, but not for myself.  Well, now finally this is for ME. 

I have in recent months years, even started slacking on all of those measures to take care of my very special little family, whom I would give th world for, but since I have such a yuck feeling just about every minute of every day.

As for my special lil family, I am so very blessed to be married to one of the most supportive, special man I have ever met, whom would give me the world to be happy, who is also my very best friend, my confidaunt, and companion. 

I was so very blessed to have the opportunity to have given birth to a very special, beautiful, successful daughter who is now on her own.

My husband and I are raising a very special precious granddaughter whom is 7 and SUPER full of life and we are homeschooling her full time.  (who I swear is an exact clone of hubby, in a cute lil girl body).

Also, I am fortunate to have my 83 yr old mother that is living with us, who has advancing dementia and has to have someone close about all the time now.  

I guess some would call pretty demanding in many ways.  It was a huge change for all of us as these things were added and progressed to their current statuses.  

Which I guess contributed to a lot of stress and which I am a stress eater, a happy eater, an entertainment eater, a sad eater, rain or shine eater.  Mainly sweets, carbs etc.  Which I have learned to do without or strongly limit, but in all of this situation, I have always had issues with weight off and on just like many others do.  I have never been this overweight and have even lost all the excess weight a couple of times but with each time - end up larger than previously.

I am very limited to time to work set aside just for exercising for myself.  Which I will quickly admit I hate anyway, so doesn't take much to draw my attention to something else to have to tend to first.  

I am trying really hard to change some focus and try to re-arrange a few priorities to fight this monster! 

So just like many Oprah and Dr. Phil shows I have watched and totally agree with, I have to love and care for ME before I can take better care of my adorable supportive husband, daughter, granddaughter, my mom, etc.  
Not this I will do get to that later syndrome I feel like I have created.  

So for my many mental challenges ahead - I want to note to myself all the reasons that I need to get a grip on the weight thing.  

He (I am going to say she/it needs a name.  Not a nasty name, just a name that will be unusual for the pic of the Zicam monster image to use for now of my monster.

I will work on that name for later reference and to have in mind when I think of food/weight/life.

I want to work on cleaning it/her up, and hopefully feeling a LOT better than I currently feel which is about as nasty and miserable as this creature but to be ME once again.

But how - where to start that I haven't already fought and lost the small battles with?

When I quit smoking in 2005, I had already put some weight back on and told myself not to substitute food, but guess what - that didn't last.

I think I will start with a challenge list of what's and why's I so strongly and despirately need to win.

Here are some of the things I am working on for the fight with my monster are:

• #1 Total overall health
• No more pricks to check blood sugar
• NO MORE INSULIN
• No more blood pressure meds
• No more depression meds
• Quality of life to improve
• Easier/better movement
• Not being miserable from being sweating hot all the time, (even in winter)
• Not cronic feeling of being so tired and run down
• Not missing out on going on outings because of being so large or hot all the time.
• Not wearing mens 3x shirts almost all the time
• Feet - Back - Knees - Hip - Head not hurting nearly all the time!
• Happier with myself at being successful at something again.
• I am missing out of feeling good enough to get out and enjoy the little things in life.  (even though limited to staying home a lot - still pass up so much)
• Even so many small things way too numerous to write are so very important!!!
• MY LIFE!  

My battle after battle after battle with this diabetis, blood pressure, and so much more is like fighting constant ugly moster battles and loosing the over all war of staying healthy.  

That is about to STOP!!  

I want my control back!!!

Some how, some way, no matter what the 

necessary measure is - I want to win this dam war!  

Now what?????