Excuse my Pitty party time I guess. I am feeling each day is a little deeper in a failure with this ongoing battle with this Monster of mine. He is such an ugly beast.
You know I keep rolling around the song lyrics that are way too fitting for me today to parts of a John Denver song. "Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. Some times the hard times won't leave me alone. "(My Monster) "Some times the cold wind chills in my bones." (Some times the monster makes misery in my bones) He is slowly but surely taking back my life no matter what steps I have done and continue to try to do to fight. The harder I seem to fight and work and try new tactics, the scales of the weight of this monster are taking over once again. I took such drastic measures just over 2 yrs ago, to try to gain a really supurb tool to help me fight this beast. And was winning. Until the "newleywed" phase of that was over, then the work had to begin. The real work of my tool of Rny had done its part now my turn to do my part and fight, fight, and work work, each step each bite being causiously thought out. But to no avail, today, I crossed the +20 mark.
20 lbs of regain!
Once again my blood pressure is starting to rise, my aches and pains of the weight are returning able to sleep less and less and only a matter of time and the big ugly Type 2 "D" will begin to rear it's vicious head again. I am working so hard each day on all sorts of directions to make sure I am getting the maximum amounts of calories burned in a variety of ways, watching each and every bite - protein - carb - liquids I put into my body are carefully considered. I pray, I eat, I care for, I try to sleep, then the next day I start all over with: I pray, I eat, I care for, I move more. I could and would be kicking my own monster self if I was eating things I shouldn't! But I even track my lil no'no's just to try to reach the minimum 1000 calorie intake a day! Spoke with the weight loss surgery team's nutritionist a couple of weeks ago, she even agreed with my typical day - to not be a reasonable explanation to it and to try something different and increase my carbs a bit. So I did and I think didn't help any. :(* I invested in a fitbit to stay on track and motivation help with gettting more movement in my day as most days I am not even out of my yard. I have stopped any medications that can possibly contribute to any type of stress controlling that might be causing slowing of metabolism. (which since stopping is probably adds to the reason for the pitty party) And I do also, realize as tears drip onto my keyboard as I type this, that I am doing NONE of them great, probably not even considered well. This is day 3 of a terrible allergy gone wild making it totally miserable head, nauseous time which I know probably another reason to feel so down with this. The old saying - muscle weighs more than fat - well, think about that. NOT true. Hopefully somehwere in my body a bit of muscle is forming. But since working out steadily I have now gained 4 lbs and not changed one single bite of food except for really trying to reach my goal of 1000 cal a day. Hard for me to do! I have one thing on my side (so far) that, shhhhh (lets speak of very softly as my monster doesn't know I don't have much of any real hunger yet, just head hunger) Back to just totally freaking my butt out with this weight thing. Suppose to eat right, watch what you eat, drink liquids and LOSE 1-2 lbs a week. I have done the TOTAL opposite! Having once again, to do some re-evaluation to see how and what is and is NOT working. Obviously, the progress is NOT working. Now how to change it. Obviously another things is wipe that monster face, and pull up those big girl panties and get my butt busy even more. I think I am going to begin, once again, to do the all liquids a couple of days to maybe jump start something, anything in the other direction! Then we will see. Surely won't be even worse! Praying anyway! If this keeps up - I will be right back to the fat - miserable high blood pressured, type 2 diabetic taking all sorts of meds, and insulin shots just to get through one more day of misery that My Monster of me is going to become again. Damit! It's not to stop!! I have GOT to find some sort of answer here. I keep praying! And I keep working! And I keep tracking! And I pray some more!
Wowza. I didn't realize just how long it had been since I was on My Monster blog. So . . . to do some catching up. This month (February 2016) marks 2 yrs since I had my gastric bypass surgery, RNY. It's been an interesting journey which has been so very successful in getting enough weight off that I have NO need for any diabetic medicines, including shots, NO blood pressure meds, (although some days around here I need a chill pill. Eek! <80 ( that is suppose to be me freaking with a pointy hat. lol!) I feel so extremely fortunate to be successful in my choices and the support I have through all of this. I had my 2 yr mark checkup with my Bariatric dr, which anyone who meets this guy would instantly like his fun personality and his main nurse also. So extremely helpful and so supportive. At my weigh in, I was totally straight with him and yes, I have seriously slipped and gained some back. My dr was not too concerned about it as most people do have a bit of regain when their body settles from the surgery and rapid weight loss. Also, he did agree with the med I had been taking the past several months, is a super slower downer. (lol) of the metabolism. He said to not worry, just go back to basics of which I keep so very simple anyway, and I am perhaps fortunate that my lil "pouchie poo" is pretty particular and I don't very too much with the foods. Also, I am very fortunate that my appetite hasn't returned yet. Practically all is only head hunger. And still habits from associations creep in from time to time. I still have a challenge many days, to make sure to get up to the 1000 calorie mark with appropriate foods, that I should be doing. After several times checking with "Mrs Google" she keeps stating if one eats too little, the body can stay in survive type mode. Guess that might be part of the problem too. But to be totally honest with this, I am very quick to point out though, to myself that I have GOT to move MORE. What's that commercial say about a body in motion stays in motion and a body who doesn't wont. Well, that's my new philosophy.
Move move and move some more.
Track track and track some more.
Every bite - every sip write it before you bite or drink it!
I keep reminding myself I have come way too far to slip back again. I will NOT let this monster back in my life! So, now back to the basics. And proof that surgery only allows us with an extra tool, not a cure! Easy, heck no! One of the several hardest things I have ever done in my life. But worth it - heck yes. We all have heard so many times, age is an enemy in a way to controlling weight. Our body naturally slows down as it ages. Makes sense. Ok, the basics of "after surgery" life. #1 - Focus on protein - protein and more protein. Lean protein that is. For me - I rely a lot on protein drinks. Probably too much is a bit of my problem also. Body doesn't have to work as hard with a liquid as it does something to break down. So, I will try eating more protein here and there and perhaps a bit less on the shakes. #2 - MOVE! No matter how much, any movement is some! So - to start the motivation, I have heard a lot about Fitbit being all the rage for tracking movement. Perfect - got it ordered and received a couple of days ago. Totally love gadgetry. Lol! I am quickly reminded of the same sort of idea to price matching/couponing idea with this new gadget. #1 thing - Awareness! Key!! I could watch every single drink and bite carefully, BUT - gotta move. Move Move Move! Not just a stroll, but also need the higher heart rate/fat burning moving and for hopefully over time, be able to do it for a longer peroid of time. Well . . . I just sort of rocked another 1st time for me. I have wanted to do zumba forever, but am not very coordinated at all - :P
And keep coming up with reasons not to get to classes, which much of the time is a challenge.A while back, I picked up a beginner instructional type Zumba dvd, and when I finally found out where I put it.
Guessing it was a bad day so me and my monster hid it well. :P) The dvd was even still sealed. So, I fixed a glass of kiwi strawberry Propel water and I not only opened the wrapper, but I also went as far as putting it into the dvd player and . . .
wait for it . . . .
I actually DID my first ever Zumba program.
I survived the tutorial/101/beginner type program. yay! lol!
Not that it was at all pretty. I was waiting for a knock on the door from officials to tell me to close the blinds. :0
It was an instructional/beginner intro at first, then onto a somewhat simple workout, but geez, my legs were jelly. I have a LONG way to go!
I will try to check back tomorrow and see if I can roll out of bed. - And this was jjust the beginner instructional type. Lol!
So, lessons learned and conquered today - 1st step into serious cardio work. Which we all need to do more and more.
I am thinking of the old phrase we all have heard way too many times but don't live by,